


Disappointment

by LaMepriseFangirl



Series: The Aftermath of Michael [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Death, Gen, Michael Possessing Dean Winchester, Platonic Soulmates, Possessed Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s13e23 Let the Good Times Roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 04:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16211807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaMepriseFangirl/pseuds/LaMepriseFangirl
Summary: Sam has to save his possessed brotherandthe world. How is he supposed to do that when Michael has access to all of Dean's memories, and will be prepared for absolutely anything?





	1. Chapter 1

"Thanks for the suit."

Sam shudders in horror after his brother vanishes before his eyes.

No.

It's like he just watched Dean get killed, but worse because his brother is still there while something else controls his body, his face, his voice...

He can still remember the terror of losing the fight against Lucifer, seeing through his own eyes but being unable to stop his mouth from saying _"Sammy's long gone,"_  and being absolutely positive that Satan would kill his brother. He kept fighting, never stopped trying to claw his way back to the surface, but archangels are just too strong.

Lucifer fit inside Sam perfectly, and it was sickening to think that who he was somehow matched the source of all human evil. He doesn't know if he could have ejected Lucifer had he tried. He was made for Satan.

Dean was made for Michael. Even he couldn't win against the archangel that he was meant to hold.

Sam hopes his brother will fight anyway, that Dean won't give up just because he feels what Sam felt eight years ago. Maybe he's stronger than Sam. Maybe it won't take beating his brother into a bloody pulp to take back control.

*

Sam eventually collects himself enough to check the GPS on his phone and learn that he and Jack are in a chapel in Van Nuys, of all places.

Then he remembers what happened in Van Nuys, and feels sick again. Was it preordained? Did it always have to happen that way? Sam says yes in Detroit and Michael steals his vessel in Van Nuys?

*

It's a long way back to the bunker, but they make it. There are hugs and relieved tears all around, and then they have to talk about what happened in the bunker and what happened in the chapel.

After Castiel tells them about Dean saying yes, Jack is furious.

"Why didn't you stop him?!" he yells at him.

Sam feels the same way, but he wasn't going to express it. He knows better.

"I tried. He wouldn't listen."

"You should have tried harder!"

Cas looks ready to cry. Well, all of them are. Each one of them blames himself for Dean's predicament.

"He did the best he could, Jack," Sam says in a weak attempt at calming the powerless nephilim.

It really is Sam's fault, isn't it? If he hadn't been taken with Jack, he could have talked his brother out of it. Hell, would Dean have even considered it if he was there? No, because they went through this before. Saying yes to Michael was giving up on the two of them, saying that he didn't believe the two of them could fix things.

Sam told his brother that whatever happened from them going over there to that other universe, they would deal with it together. If they broke something, they'd fix it together. Then he went and left Dean alone, and now he has to try to fix this without his brother.

*

The first time Sam sleeps after losing his brother is the first time in years that he'd had a nightmare about being possessed by Lucifer.

He's in the field, Stull Cemetery; he's killed Cas and Bobby; Michael in Adam's body is gone; and he's hurting Dean. He can't stop it.

His hands are red with Dean's blood and Dean keeps pleading, trying to get through to Sam, but the archangel is just too powerful and angry. He can't stop it.

He sees the green army man in the ashtray just like in real life, but he still can't stop it.

In the nightmare world Sam's mind creates, his brother, his home, his entire life is right in front of him, but Lucifer wins.

He reduces Dean's body to something unidentifiable as human, just a pile of broken bone and flesh. But he somehow doesn't kill Dean, not yet. He destroys everything but carefully leaves the heart and brain intact. There's so little left of Dean, he can't scream, but Sam can tell his brother is still conscious and in agony.

He stops fighting to save his brother then.

He begs Lucifer to end it. Stop hurting his brother. Just kill Dean.

This is the first time that the dream ends with Lucifer stomping on Dean's skull and then setting his remains on fire.

Sam wakes up screaming.

*

"I'm sorry about your brother."

That's what Bobby said. This Bobby doesn't understand; he isn't the man who watched Dean refuse to accept that Sam was gone.

Sam glowers at everyone who offers condolences. His brother isn't dead. He's going to save Dean and stop Michael. Those aren't mutually exclusive things as much as everyone around him seems to think so.

*

What's most troubling is that Michael has all of Dean's experiences and memories, which means he knows Sam almost as intimately as if he'd been in Sam's head.

Overpowering the archangel isn't possible, so the answer is outsmarting him, trapping him somehow. Outsmarting Michael means outsmarting Dean. And Sam honestly doesn't know if he can do that. He's been able to lie to Dean about things, sure, because Dean trusted him. He can't think of a single time he was up against his brother and managed to take him by surprise.

He can't think of a single goddamn thing he could do that Michael wouldn't see coming.

Well, there's one. There's exactly one fact about Sam that Michael is counting on, that Michael is going to rely on, that Sam has any power to change.

Sam cares more about getting Dean back than about killing Michael.

Michael will be ready for sigils, for spells, for desperate emotional pleas, for anything up to and including physically hurting Dean, but he won't be killed as long as he's inside Dean and Sam is around. Sam could be holding the one weapon in the universe that could kill him and he'd turn his back. Michael thinks he has immunity.

So, Sam thinks, how is he supposed to use that to his advantage when the whole point is saving his brother?

*

It's been weeks, and every day that passes, Michael butchers more people. Sam is beginning to accept that thousands of lives are more important than a single life.

"Jessica."

Yup, she's still spying.

"Hi there." She's so smarmy.

"I want to talk to Death."

"Summon her and wait like everyone else."

"I'm not everyone else and you know it. Tell her that... I'll kill myself."

The reaper is confused.

"...Is that a _threat_?" she laughs.

"No, it's an offer."

*

"You don't seem suicidal," Death comments dryly as a greeting when she finally shows up.

"Dean's possessed by Michael."

"So I've noticed."

"I'm working on a way to stop Michael, but I don't have a lot to work with. He's practically immortal and knows everything I'm going to do before I do it."

"Not my problem."

"You want him stopped, don't you?"

"I want him back in his own universe, or dead. You're not going to let that happen as long as he's in Dean."

"Well, I have a proposition."


	2. Chapter 2

Finding Michael is easy; the archangel doesn't need to hide himself, and he hasn't warded Dean from tracking spells. Getting to him isn't very hard either. He doesn't have guards or any kind of protection around the mansion he uses as a base of operations.

Sam just walks in through the front gate. Michael appears in front of him on the front steps.

"Come to visit?" he asks as he descends.

"I want to talk to Dean."

Michael grabs him and zaps him into a large room. It reminds Sam of a ballroom, except there are a number of torture instruments on a metal table, and a chair. The parquet around the chair is stained with blood. Sam wonders if he fails, will he be the next person in that chair?

The archangel goes over to the table and starts rearranging the nightmarish implements.

"Are you trying that thing where I try to kill you, except I'm just a little too sadistic and give Dean time to take back control?"

"No." Sam takes a step closer.

Michael looks between Sam and the tools in his hands, like he's deciding which one will suit the hunter best.

"Were you planning on luring me into a ring of holy oil and setting it on fire?"

"No." He moves a little closer.

"Did you think you'd paint some pictures on the wall and shut me up long enough for Dean to eject me?"

"No."

"Well, you wouldn't have come here alone without a damn good plan, so what do you have up your sleeve, Sammy?"

Standing only inches from his brother, Sam takes out an angel blade.

Michael just looks at it. That's not going to hurt him, though he guesses correctly what Sam is planning:

"Careful where you point that. If you remove my grace, I'll be trapped inside Dean's body."

"That's what I'm counting on," Sam says, and grabs the completely shocked and unprepared archangel. He makes a shallow slit in Dean's throat, and holds a small vial in front of the wound. Michael's grace flows into the vial; Sam caps it and then pushes Michael toward the chair.

Michael stumbles and flails around for something to hang onto. He blinks at the loss of power.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he gasps.

Sam sits him down and holds the angel blade to his chest, over his heart.

"What I have to."

Michael, though weak and nervous, scoffs.

"You wouldn't kill your own brother."

"I don't have a choice." Sam has to press the tip harder against Dean's chest to hide his shaking hand.

That's around when Michael seems to realize he's made a major miscalculation, and it's about to cost him everything including his existence. He gives a little sigh as he looks down at the blade.

But then he looks up with a hint of a smile.

"And Dean thought you were here to save him."

"...What?"

"He's awake, sees and hears everything. When he saw the look in your eyes, he knew you were planning something. He was so happy because he thought he was about to be free. Nope, you gave up."

Sam looks away. He did give up. Not in the way Michael thinks, but he gave up on being with Dean again.

"This is how it ends? All these years fighting the good fight together, saying 'Fuck destiny' to each other, dying for each other, and you kill your brother? This is how you repay everything he's done for you?"

"Tell me he doesn't want you dead."

"He does, but he thought you were going to save him, too. He expected more from you, Sam."

That strikes a nerve, but Sam keeps the angel blade where it is.

"...I know. So did I."

The archangel continues:

"He knows how hard this is for you. Shoving a blade through your brother's heart... he could never do it. You're stronger than Dean, you know that? But you're still letting him down."

Sam is starting to lose his resolve. He _is_ saving Dean, but not in a way that Dean would call being saved.

"He wants you to do it if that's why you're here," Michael admits. "So go ahead. Slay the archangel, save the world, disappoint your brother."

"Well, maybe he disappointed me by saying yes," Sam snaps.

"He doesn't care if he disappoints you, Sam, you know that. He just wants you alive. That's what he got. After I took control, he was counting on you to find a way of getting me out of him." Michael waits for that to really resonate with Sam, and then he emphasizes, "Counting on you, Sam. You were his only hope, the one thing he believed in after he realized he wasn't strong enough on his own. Every single day, he's thought about you and _known_ that you'd save him. He didn't believe in God, or the Darkness, or Cas, or anyone else coming to save him. He believed in _you_. So... not only are you killing your brother, you're managing to let him down in the worst way possible."

It takes everything Sam has not to just drop the blade and let Michael kill him. Yes, Michael is saying this to hurt him, but it's all true.

"...If you get out of Dean willingly, you'll live," Sam tries. "I'll give you some of your grace back. Last chance."

"So the two of you can kill or imprison me later and live happily ever after? No thanks, I know when I've lost, and that's when the two of you are together again. I'm not leaving this vessel, and he can't eject me, so you can have your Pyrrhic victory. What better death can I have than one that destroys my opponent?"

"I could ask you the same question," Sam replies. Looking deep into his brother's eyes, he whispers, "Dean, I'm so sorry."

Giving a wordless shout of emotional pain, he shuts his eyes and pushes the blade into Dean's chest.

*

The next thing Sam knows, he's standing next to his brother as Dean draws breath into his lungs.

Sam knows that look all too well, the confusion of _"I should be dead"_ turning to the concern of _"what did my brother do?"_

Dean feels his chest where he was stabbed and finds no wound. Then he looks around and sees Sam's body on the floor.

Only then does Sam realize he himself is already in the veil.

His older brother swears and kneels next to him.

"Sam? Sammy, wake up!" Dean shakes him, then checks for a pulse. "Oh, no... Sam, what did you do?"

Sam's spirit turns away. Michael is dead and Dean is alive. That's what matters.

Except it's not, and for the first time in his many deaths, Sam doesn't know how to move on. He hears the reaper Jessica calling his name, but for some reason it just isn't really registering.

All that's ever mattered is that the two of them are together. That's what Dean said.

So how could Sam let his brother down like this?

He crouches next to Dean.

"Dean, can you hear me? ...Dean?"

He doesn't. He's holding Sam's body, begging him to wake up.

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"Sam."

That's Death's voice behind him.

"It's time to go, Sam."

He doesn't have a choice. Death is taking him by the hand, to personally—if not forcibly—guide him to his afterlife. The Empty.

That's what he agreed to. He has to go.

"I know. I'll go, just... tell him what's going on, before he does something stupid. Please."

The entity once known as Billie sighs, but chooses once again to be benevolent.

She crouches next to Dean.

"Dean."

He's startled, and pulls Sam's body a little closer.

"What are you doing here?"

"Reaping your brother."

"Why? I'm the one who should be dead."

"He made a deal."

"What deal?"

"Michael was nearly unstoppable, but Sam knew he could get close enough to kill him. Sam asked me to take him instead of you if he succeeded."

Dean takes that in quietly.

"How do I get him back?"

"You don't."

"But you said we were important, that we have work to do."

"It's done." With that, Death rises and turns away from Dean.

Sam follows her.

***

Sam isn't sure how long he's been in Heaven.

He was surprised to find himself in a childhood memory after Death took him away. That was nice of her, he thought, but he would have been fine with going to sleep in the Empty forever. He wouldn't have to feel like shit for leaving his brother.

He doesn't really want to enjoy the afterlife; he feels something missing and he thinks it might just be the other half of his soul. Still, he's here and Dean would want him to be happy, so he tries to relax and accept the reward he's been given.

However long it's been, it still seems suspiciously soon that the memory he's in—a night in with Jess—changes abruptly to the bunker.

Something tells him to go outside, so he ascends the stairs and passes through the heavy iron door.

Dean is getting out of his car, looking around.

"Dean?"

"...Sammy." Dean practically runs to give him a hug.

It's so good to see Dean again, to smell and feel Dean.

"It's really you, right?" Dean asks when they pull apart. "Not a memory of you?"

"Yeah, it's me. ...How long has it been?"

"Since you died?"

"Yeah."

"...A while."

"Years?"

"Uh..."

"One year?"

Dean looks uncomfortable.

Sam sighs. Less than a year, okay.

"What happened?"

"I didn't kill myself."

"What happened?" the younger brother repeats.

"I was hunting on my own."

Because that's not suicide, Sam thinks.

"Okay, and?"

"And it went bad. Does it matter? We're both here now."

"Guess not..." Taking a deep breath, Sam starts to deliver an apology he's had too long to work on: "Dean, I just wanna say-"

"What, sorry for stabbing me?" Dean scoffs. "I've been stabbed like a thousand times."

"No- I mean, yeah, that, but... I let you down. I left you alone."

Dean looks grave.

"You believed everything Michael told you, didn't you? You really think you let me down?"

"Didn't I?"

"No, never."

"But-"

"What everyone needed was for that son of a bitch to be gone, and you did it. That's more important than what we wanted." He takes Sam's face in his hands. "Look at me, Sam."

He looks Dean in the eye.

"What you did is the hardest thing I can imagine doing, deal or no deal. Michael made it even worse, but you still did it. I'm not disappointed you saved the world again. I'm proud to be your brother."

"...Thank you," Sam manages. He can't completely believe it yet, but he does feel like a weight on him has been lifted. His heart hurts less.

Dean lets go and gestures to the Impala.

"Let's go for a drive," he suggests.

Sam smiles.

"Can I have the keys now that we're dead?"

"Do I have any good memories of riding shotgun with you behind the wheel?" Dean retorts.

"You've gotta have at least one..."


End file.
